Uh-Oh Lads, She’s on another dating rant… A bit personal again. I mean I don’t know why i do this to myself but GAH OK. ENJOY.
Are you ready kids? Turn off the lights, grab a cup of cocoa and listen closely, because I am about to tell you a horror story about a girl who was…
DUN DUN DUN…
Five years ago, a young girl met a young man on a visit home to her family in Scotland. They got on very well indeed, and traded numbers. Five years passed and their friendship remained. They met up occasionally when she went to visit her family, and kept in regular contact over facetime and text. They grew to know each other inside and out. He became a shoulder to cry on, and she became his constant to talk to.
One day, after a few too many gins, they decided he should come to London to visit the girl at her new flat, and finally come and see her in a West End show. They counted down the days until they could see each other, and talked about what fun things they would plan for when he arrived.
The day came, he arrived with a warm embrace, and all was well. Gin was drank, brunches were cooked, and laughs were shared amongst the pair and her housemates. He watched the show, and came for drinks to meet all of the cast. “He is such a lovely guy!” the castmates cried to the girls glee! Hurrah for a fun weekend with a “lovely guy”.
The girl finally had a day off on the Sunday and had planned to take a trip to Greenwich. They walked down to the station, chatting about his upcoming holiday, with nothing seeming amiss until the young girl went to touch her oyster card on the barriers.
“Wait!” he cried, “I don’t have my debit card – I can’t find it!” He resolved to run back to the flat, she was to call ahead to her flatmate to leave the door open, and he would retrieve it and come back. “I promise i’ll run and we can make the same train! Just wait here.”
Time passed. The train left. The young girl called her housemate, “It doesn’t look likely, we can’t find it anywhere.” The young girl resolved to walk back to the flat to find him, after he wouldn’t answer her calls. Upon arriving home she shouted up, “Did you find it?”. “Nope!” cried her housemate.
Hang on. Where’s the young man? “He wen’t back out to find you!”. Of course he did. The young girl set back out towards the train station, trying to call the man in question. Voicemail. Try again. Voicemail. “I’ll leave a voice note”. Delivered. Read. “I’ll call again”. Voicemail. Back to Whatsapp. Blocked. Facebook. Blocked. Twitter. Blocked. Snapchat. Blocked. You get the gist.
She resolved to call her housemate. “Strange question, is his stuff still in my room?”. The room was empty. Nothing stolen, but void of any of his belongings. She returned to the flat. She cried. She sank half a bottle of gin and ate Nutella by the spoon.
And that’s what happened the day I was royally and epically ghosted.
If you aren’t in the dating world, then the term “Ghosting” may be new to you. But essentially, it is the act of dating someone and then completely disappearing when you want it to end. Now I know in this case that we weren’t dating, but I feel like this makes it worse. He was my friend. And so, I just wanted to tell this story as a lesson and a warning to others.
This is not about sympathy. I’ve cried already and I’m over it. I’ve called him expletives into the ether and felt better about it. I’ve dreamt up ways of me getting my revenge. But actually, it’s the realisation that the issue is with him and not me that has helped me in this situation.
Unfortunately, this behaviour is not uncommon. This example may be pretty extreme but this isn’t the first time i’ve been “ghosted” and i highly doubt it will be the last. With the internet age of dating at it’s peak, the ability to find a date is so easy, that it seems only fitting it to take the “easy” road when ending a relationship too.
What people who “ghost” don’t realise is that they are doing themselves a disservice. In a world where we are able to communicate at the touch of a button, it seems ironic that people are unable to even articulate a “Sorry, just not feeling it”. What does this say about you as a person if you can’t even honestly construct your feelings out loud? It also seems like there’s a complete arrogance amongst people that this kind of honesty won’t be taken well. Why not give people the opportunity to prove themselves differently?
Why did I write this post? I don’t know. To get it off my chest. To share one of the most disgusting ways i’ve ever been treated by a man to a) hopefully prevent another guy or gal from doing it, and b) to show anyone who has had this happen to them that they aren’t alone, and the fault was not theirs. No one deserves to be treated this way because it is cowardly and dishonest.
What can you do if you have been ghosted? Rise above it. People who do this are insecure and shallow. They don’t even give you the respect of telling you the truth. So why would you want this person in your life anyway? It’s shown to me that we have to be really careful about who we entrust into our lives. People who we allow in to become our friends or partners are the people you would like to believe will treat you with dignity and respect. The people that do things like this are not those people. So let them happily walk off, ghostlike, into a life of mistrust, deceit and ego. I know it’s said often but,
You are much better off without them.
And to anyone who has ghosted, or if the man in question is reading this (DOUBT IT, BUT HEY DICKHEAD!), think about what your actions say about you. You clearly don’t care about someone else’s feelings to behave in such a way, so lets start by looking at what you know best, yourself. You’ve chosen to behave in a way that says to the rest of us “I am emotionally unavailable and untrustable.” If that is the way you want to carry on, as a “Lone Wolf”, then enjoy. But I fear for your happiness in the end.
Lads and Ladies, we all deserve people in our lives, as friends and partners, who treat us as the amazing, talented, beautiful, creative, confident people that we are. Never ever let another person make you doubt that. Ghosts aren’t real, dickheads are, but let’s just banish them all to the storybooks.
Peace and love and HAPPY GHOST BANISHING Y’ALL
– Koko x