I say strangers because I have been in a virtual black hole of no-blogging-i-have-nothing-interesting-to-write-about-ness for the last month. AND IT SUCKS. And so I am here to break this barrier down as it is driving me mad.
For those of you who are avid followers of my blog, I can only apologise, and I hope that you did not think I had died/lost my hands/forgotten my password to log into my blog. Unfortunately, it’s more simple as that. I lost my motivation.
I have absolutely NO IDEA why I lost my motivation to blog but it literally just evaporated. Any blog post idea I came up with I would talk down, or call pointless. I’d have a good day and write some new titles down to work on, but the day to start writing always got pushed back. I just lost my mojo.
What’s been more irritating about the whole thing is that over this last month I have had people say to me personally, face to face, how much they enjoy reading my blog. Which is quite frankly amazing and astounds me and makes me blush all at the same time. I really do have this idea that the only people who read this are my Mum (Hey Mum!), my Gran (Hi Gran!) and occasionally my mates who want to know what the hell goes on in my head sometimes because Hiiiii I am super weird most of the time. But, to have physical human beings who you didn’t think would even know your existence and yet here they are saying “Hi, You write a blog don’t you? Yeah it’s good” makes me freak out and super happy all at the same time. So, I realised it’s about time I buck my ideas up.
Because the thing with motivation is that it can’t really come from anywhere other than from yourself. This is as relevant for the blogging world, as it is for the acting world, as it is for being a student at university, or a member of the gym. I MOTIVATE ME. No one else does. Sure we can get inspired by other bloggers who do well, or your classmate whose presentations are always on point, or that girl in the gym who lifts with the boys, but ultimately, the decision to work hard and create opportunities comes from within.
I have really just psyched myself out recently and it’s taken me a good few days to put this down in words because I have completely created a mini-fear of blogging. I think a lot of us are so afraid of what others think of our actions that we therefore stop doing things full stop. I really love blogging. I mean, most of what I write is just word vomit but it’s so much fun and it’s creative and it means I don’t spend my days watching endless repeats of Jeremy Kyle whilst drinking 368285 cups of tea. The same goes for the theatre world. We can either wait aimlessly for an opportunity to present itself and get lucky, or we can write and create theatre or film to show our worth to others out there, we can attend classes to meet other hungry like-minded people and therefore we can feel like we are still growing as performers.
I worry so much that people will judge me for creating something else for myself that I stopped doing it. I started planting doubt in my mind that my ideas weren’t good enough or original enough. When actually, if it makes me feel like I am creating something of my own, that I am learning new skills and that I have something for myself other than heading to the show each night or waiting for the phone to ring about a new opportunity, then it absolutely cannot be a bad idea at all. IT’S THE BEST IDEA.
And so, please take this as a firm pledge that I shall be blogging more regularly. I don’t want to limit myself to a specific schedule because I don’t want this to feel like a chore because I do really enjoy it and I do really want to make sure I don’t give up on something because of niggly little thoughts.
Ultimately, motivation is about positivity. About blocking out the doubting thoughts that push us to say No, and allowing ourselves to move forward into unknown territory, regardless of what other people think. Sure, you may look a sweaty red-faced mess and need an inhaler after running your first 7k (True story bro) but NO ONE CARES. YOU JUST RAN 7K GIRL. You want to try writing and filming a script you wrote for the first time and uploading it to youtube? WHY THE HELL NOT? YOU COULD BE BRILLIANT. But only if you try.. and only if you allow yourself to be motivated.
I know we’re near the end of the year, and we can save our resolutions for another two months, but let’s all aim for the rest of 2016 to be the most productive, motivated people we can be so that we go into 2017 feeling like we can achieve even more!
YES TO POSITIVITY.
YES TO NOT BEING A LAZY BLOGGER.
YES TO BEING MOTIVATED.
Shes back. I promise.
– Koko x