So here it is guys. I’m going to be pretty damn frank and embarrassing about dating and may regret posting this when all my friends and work colleagues are like LOL WHAT DID YOU POST THAT WEIRDO BLOG POST FOR?!
But. I feel like I need to get this off my chest.
I’ve been single for almost a year now. I came out of what was, quite frankly, an unhealthy relationship, which was doing me more harm than good. And so, once that relationship ended I moved on quite quickly (There were serious reasons why it was so easy to move on.. but that’s not something for the blog i’m afraid!). So, I know I’m only about… 10 months into being single. But…
I’m starting to get REALLY tetchy about it.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve met up with a few people, went on a few dates, and a couple of second dates, but nothing has stuck so far. And to be honest, that’s because most of the dating happened in the first 3 or 4 months after my break up. I was in no place to settle into a relationship after all the craziness from before. I needed time to heal and move on and find myself again.
However, the last 2 or 3 months have been… quiet. My love life is about as exciting as a re-run of Antique’s Roadshow on a Tuesday afternoon. And it’s REALLY BUGGING ME. The reason it’s irritating me so much is that it SHOULD be easy to meet people. I mean, let’s be serious, I have three dating apps on my phone: Tinder, Happn and Bumble. I tend to use them on my way into work to entertain myself, or when i’m a bit drunk and on the night bus after a few post-work drinkies. However, how many actual people have I met up with for a date on these apps?
TWO. TWO PEOPLE. And one of them I already knew. So he technically doesn’t even count.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m quite picky. I don’t see the point in swiping right to a guy who I don’t find attractive, but I have spoken to plenty of people on these apps and NOTHING COMES OF IT. I’ve even arranged drinks in a loose sense and then when it comes to finalising a date I get ghosted.
GHOSTED. AS IF THERE IS AN ACTUAL TERM FOR SOMEONE BEING A NOB AND JUST IGNORING YOU.
Because this is where the main issue lies. Dating apps make it easy to meet people, but also easy to not bother. These apps are now a right of passage to being single. Everyone seems to have them, even if they aren’t on the hunt for something! Which is now making navigating this whole dating scene so bloody difficult and confusing.
People thought the old days of dating were hard. Oh no. No no. Gone are the times where you had to write your number down for someone you met in a bar, hope they call, and then arrange to meet for dinner and pray you don’t get stood up. It’s even harder now. I’m not even getting to the stood up phase of dating. I’m getting dropped before I can even get their number.
Because so far, all i’m managing is Swiping Right, Matching, Chat crap for days and then… radio silence. Awesome.
Again, I can hear the questions – but do you scare them off? Are you too keen? Do you talk too much? The answer is no. I’ve tried being aloof and mysterious – no luck. I’ve tried being funny and chatty and bubbly and WOO LOOK AT ME I’M NICE. – Zilch. I’ve also tried to just say what I want in the hope they will like “the real me” (who can know the real you off of a text conversation?) – also no win. So what is the point?
I’m exasperated by the whole thing. I don’t want to spend days texting a stranger, to then get ignored when it comes to actually meeting face to face. I just want to go on a god damn date, like the “good old days”. I would like to meet a guy in a bar, and give him my number and feel the excitement of something starting from actual physical chemistry, and not whether they had filtered their profile pic well.
I blame Disney. And Romantic novels. And Romcoms. And The Notebook. Because they give an unrealistic view of what romance is like.
However, I’m not giving up hope. I may well be watching all the romantic movies right now and OBSESSED with Victoria and Albert in the new ITV Drama Victoria, so this may well be clouding my judgement, but I do still have a shred of hope that one day my prince will come. On horseback, or via a phone app. I just hope I’m not waiting around for him long…
So, yeah. I wanted to share my EXASPERATION for being a singleton in this day and age in the hope that other people feel my pain. (Please say I’m not alone in this.) I’d love to know your views on how you feel the dating scene is affecting you. Or if you are loved up and happy, HOW DID YOU DO IT?!
I’m giving Tinder the middle finger for the time being. Feel free to join me.
All the single lovin,
– Koko x
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