We’ve all got that friend, right? The one who shows up half an hour late, but they are busy so it’s fine! The one who spends an entire evening talking about their issues, even when you called to have a chat about something that’s been really bothering you. The one who cancels plans at the last minute, because their partner has made plans for them so like, that’s totally fine right? WRONG. Why do we all have this friend? And worse, why are some of us that friend?
It’s become apparent to me recently that the idea of friendship is something that has got totally lost in this modern age, when having 13846 friends on Facebook is totally normal and a Whatsapp chat counts as a catch up. Friends are the family we get to choose so, good GOD, why are we not looking after these relationships a lot more? Our friends are the relationships to nurture, the relationships that really should stand the test of time. And yet, I hear more and more people either being treated badly by a friend, or being a terrible friend themselves. So this, my lovely blog readers, is a simple plea to start looking after our friendships, and ourselves.
I mean, I could do a “How to be a good friend” guide but I’m pretty sure that’s not necessary. However, I know that my friends all do the following, and I hope I provide the same for them:
- They are honest with me. They tell me when I’m being a dick. They tell me when I’m being an idiot over some guy that won’t text me back. They tell me when my bum looks big. HONESTY IS THE ONE.
- They have my back. Get on my bad side, get on my friends bad side.
- They can judge how I’m feeling. So when I come out my room looking like that girl from The Ring with the hangover of death, they know to get the OJ out and to confiscate my phone so that I don’t look at all the drunk dialing from the night before.
- They bring me out of my shell. Honestly, underneath the bravado is a shy ten-year-old who is terrified to speak to anyone new. My friends give me all the confidence I need to be myself.
- They give me wine. I mean that doesn’t need an explanation…
- They build me up. Even when I am in the darkest, smallest, horrid-est (?) place in the world and i feel like a small pea being squished, my friends KNOW how to get me out of it. Even if it’s a clip of Lil Bub on YouTube (See Below). They know. And that’s how I know that these guys are special.
I mean my friends do lots of other things too (like my friend who recites Burns poetry in a towel turban and dressing gown… who shall go unnamed. But truly it’s excellent.) but ultimately, these people are my friends because I know they will stick by me, and vice versa. Which leads me onto my next point. What on earth do you do when your friend isn’t giving you the same treatment? Relationships, romantic or not, are a two-way street. And these friendships are the ones that we really need to re-examine. Am i doing enough to keep this friendship going? Are they? And if not, should I/they be doing more to keep it a fully functioning relationship? Or is it time to call it quits?
Now i’m not asking you to go on a friendship culling rampage, but I do think we sometimes forget that friendships are relationships like any other. If it’s not giving you the same fuzzy feelings it did when you first became buddies, then something has to change, whether it’s discussing your issues or ending the relationship altogether. It’s a strange thing, ending a friendship. It’s almost harder than breaking up with a partner. But sometimes, it’s for the best if you don’t feel you are being treated the way you deserve. We should all surround ourselves with people that give us the respect we all deserve. If you feel you or they aren’t able to do that anymore, then maybe it’s time to fix it, or to move on.
As they say, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But ultimately, you can dress them up with sugar and put them in a pretty jug, but some people are still just sour fruit.
This February (the month of romance and making single people everywhere feel like SHIT) I challenge you all to make the most of those relationships you may have neglected. Call that friend that you haven’t seen in ages. Arrange a coffee date with your old uni friends. Get back in touch with those people who give you the warm and fuzzies still. Or, be honest and tell a friend if you are feeling a neglected. Everyone deserves to be treated like the brilliant, lovely humans they are. If you need to remind someone how excellent you are, then give them the nudge and arrange to meet up for a coffee. Who needs a Valentines when you can catch up (not on Whatsapp) with a friend you have really missed having around? Or, be brave. If someone isn’t being the positive influence in your life that you need, maybe it’s time to take different paths.
Lots of deep thoughts here for a Sunday evening, but hope it gives someone the nudge to reconnect or rekindle a relationships that’s got lost along the way 🙂
ALL THE LOVE.
– Koko x
P.s Here’s a video of Lil Bub. Seriously… this is where all my happiness comes from.